Two things that were not on my agenda last weekend: 1) buy all seven seasons of a certain vampire-slaying themed television program and 2) hit an old man with my car. Okay, settle down; it’s not quite as bad as it sounds. The DVDs were on sale! But, yeah, there’s pretty much no bright side to the other thing, except that of all the possible scenarios that involve me hitting a man with my car, this was the least dramatic. Like, I technically hit him in the bike and he didn’t even fall all the way over. It’s sort of funny (okay, it’s very funny), but it’s going to take me longer than five days to fully appreciate the humor (hit a pedestrian with your car and tell me how much you feel like laughing). So until then, let’s just consider the DVD-binge a pre-emptive strike of retail therapy and leave it at that.
Happy Thanksgiving, or as I like to call it, Annoy the Vegetarians Day. Let’s get this straight: I don’t eat turkey or tofurkey. I don’t care what you eat. There’s always plenty of other stuff to go around, so don’t waste your time worrying about my menu options. Stop acting like I’m a big blight on the holiday because I don’t want to eat a dead bird. More for you, guys! Now pass the damn potatoes and don’t even think about calling it Turkey Day.
I am just filled to the brim with holiday cheer.