Trapped in the closet

This one’s coming at you live from Lacy’s. I decided to visit because a) I love Lacy and b) my parents’ cleaning lady is coming tomorrow morning and I needed an excuse to be out of the house. Lacy’s in bed after a rousing game of “Book Lover’s Trivial Pursuit,” but I overestimated my caffeine need for the day and find it necessary to blog about all of my thrilling exploits.

Of which there are none. For the past week, I’ve basically split my time between cleaning my room and watching Bob Costas. And this is one big-ass room, guys. The upstairs of my house used to be an apartment, and my room was the living room. Kevin’s was the kitchen. He would be well-within his rights to hate me. Anyway, in recent years my room has sort of turned into the mausoleum: the aforementioned four chairs, a desk, a dresser, two tables, a bookshelf, an ottoman and a queen sized bed, all buried under boxes of junk and old sheets to keep the dust and cat hair from settling in. Not quite as creepy as the basement in the Bobby Vee house, which was exactly like the basement in Buffalo Bill’s house in “Silence of the Lambs” except with a laundry room, but it still has a pretty good horror-movie feel.

I wasn’t sure what I would unearth since I hadn’t lived there in five years. It became way more fascinating to learn what was in every box than to, you know, put away laundry, even if it meant scaling the shelves in one of my closets (wow, can we just talk about how overprivileged I am again for a second here? “Scaling the shelves in one of my closets.” Yikes.). I was hoping for treasure or, at the very least, enchanted evil board games, but I had to settle for a footless, pantless GI Joe in a sleeveless rainbow-striped turtleneck in the “Rachel’s favorite childhood toys” box. If I only had a therapist (“he was in the closet, too!”). Other than that, just the run-of-the-mill junk I held on to for far too long (notes from high school science classes! Clearly I need to keep you forever, just in case I decide to become a chemist after all), but I finally feel like I own my space.

I hope to God I move out soon.

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