So, what’d you do this weekend, Rachel? Well…
Friday: I went to happy hour after eating only a bagel all day, got wildly drunk (for me), got in a loud Indiana Jones argument, attempted to send a text message to myself, left with the line “I’ll judge you at a later date” rather than the more traditional “goodbye,” and passed out, all before eleven p.m.
Saturday: I recovered from hangover with the cure (fountain cherry coke), drove to South Dakota, bought matching purses with Lacy, went to a martini lounge, stayed sober, got two bullseyes in a row while playing darts, endured Neal’s drunken ramblings (“I’m a deity! I changed the weather!”), prevented Lacy from climbing a row of shopping carts, played Book Lover’s Trivial Pursuit and watched Better Off Dead.
Sunday: I drove home, allowed my mother to make a “chiquita banana hat” by hotgluing a turban and fake fruit to my head, and returned to the house of turtle and rabbits.
So, you know. The usual.