New lyrics for Dave Matthews to consider:

Don’t eat the cheesebread
There’s blood in the cheesebread
Don’t eat the cheesebread

…and so forth.  Solid advice from Dave, modified for the Gary’s patron.

So I was cutting cheesebread yesterday, loaf after loaf, box after box…literally like fifteen boxes of cheesebread, all to be sliced in half by me.  Remember me?  The girl who is terrified of knives?  And they’re all kind of frozen, so I have this sawing action going on with the huge scary knife of death, and it’s going okay until I saw through my fingernail.


My mind goes blank and I just kind of stare at my stupidity’s greatest triumph yet, which is bleeding quite profusely, and I wonder what I should do and the only thing that comes to mind is from Shaun of the Dead: “It’s fine, Barbara, I ran it under a cold tap!”  I figure this is not a time to be questioning the fact that I get my medical advice from a British zombie movie, I just calmly sprint over to the sink.  Now what?

Now I show my boss, who laughs at me and gives me a bandaid and puts me back to work.  Chopping onions.

Don’t eat the onions
There’s blood in the onions…


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